Where do I go

You really don't know until you feel the heavy steel bars of love. I thought it was just a one two three another one of those guys you know. No it wasn't it really wasn't. I found myself completely in love for the first time. Now lets think, we see movies, read books, hear songs, and read poems and fall in love with them. Then we relate that one special song, movie, book or what ever it may be to this person. We have all done that, I know you can relate as I used to be that way. In fact I loved being inspired by music, movies and outer grabbings to get me through whatever I was going through. Then this happened, a forceful plan that can be fooled for sacred love. I saw the feeling right in front of me, all I ever wanted was someone to control me and I was way wrong, in fact it's nothing anyone ever wants. To the point you find yourself on your knees and you can't even bear to think like a living human. I have no direct mind for myself anymore, rather a set future with chains and smiles. Do you want to know why I am trapped and did not see it before because these lovely people all have real smiles. Their acceptance to their lifestyle is what they seem; their culture is solid. And no one is in love. Everyone is set and done, you either chose it or you don't and you cannot turn away. Once you turn in your in ,but if you turn out you cannot reach again towards any of them. In all honesty, I have never seen anything so simple and pure, but the transition is the risk factor. I now cannot tell the difference between feeling pain at the moment or if I am just in pain all the time now and running custom to it. I have not contemplated to turn away being I am strong, but am I really following myself, what I want? Then again I want them to be happy and I chose others over myself especially G-d. If G-d witnesses my good in this existence I shall be given a good feeling after my life of giving. I am sealed till I am free, even if it doesn't take place in this life. I will one day leave and cherish silence for the first time.